I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
