by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
