I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
