I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
