I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
