he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
