BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
