left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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