He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
