We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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