I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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