1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
