Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dicks are not precious.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
