I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
