Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
