Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
