i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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