She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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