how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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