I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
