My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
