Girls should come with a carfax report
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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