I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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