Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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