Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
