I wannas sexs uuuuu
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
