Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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