Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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