She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize