You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
