did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
