well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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