May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
