He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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