i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think my mom watched the whole time
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
