as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
