Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
