Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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