we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Two words: blizzard sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
