did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
