I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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