We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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