I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pappa wants mamma naked
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
