so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
