No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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