Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
