no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
