You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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