I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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