based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
