I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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