My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
