Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
