Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
