I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize