i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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