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I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
