We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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