Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
