She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
