i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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