You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
