he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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