She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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