she sounds like chewbacca in bed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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