I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
