Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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