she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize